me: mom im hungry
mom: eat a fruit
trying to make time-sensitive plans with someone who doesn’t text back quickly
"you’re gonna be home alone for a bit"
i hate when ur boob starts falling out of ur bra like excuse me ma’am please return to your assigned seat
"Mom I don’t feel well I cant go to school"
Interviewer: “so where do you see yourself in five years?”
Me: “I’m shaking hands with Dumbledore I’ve won the house cup”
literally nothing feels better than being loved by someone who hates everyone